Monday, July 12, 2010

Getting Out of My Own Head...

Ok, new project. I need to stop thinking so much. Project "Getting Out of My Own Head" has officially begun. How am I going to execute this? I have no clue.

Ok, you must know some things about me before I begin:

A) I am a worrier. I am convinced that this is genetic (Thanks a lot Kathy Beebe). I worry about anything and everything. Things that aren't a big deal will metastisze out of control in my mind. I've gotten better, trust me, but it's still somewhat of an issue.

B) I carry around too much guilt. I blame my Catholic upbringing. I'm sure that this stems from that combined with point A.

C) I am a bad liar. I am not a fan of lying, by any means. However, I feel like desperate times call for desperate measures, and sometimes lying is better than telling the truth (DISCLAIMER: it's rare, and I dont condone lying...I am a BIG fan of honest and open communication. There are just certain circumstances where it may be better to not give as many details or tell the entire truth).

D) I spend too much time alone. Dont get me wrong, I have many friends, and am out with them having fun quite often (well, not lately, but usually). I just seem to have too much time where I am thinking about things. Just thinking, thinking, thinking. Take, for example, right now. It't almost two in the morning. I am at work and I have one patient who has been asleep all night. The other nurse I work with likes to go sleep in the break room...I am alone with my thoughts. Not to mention the fact that I live alone.

Ok, so, knowing what I know about myself, it is clear that I need a distraction from my own thoughs. I need to stop myself when my worrying begins to spiral out of control, which has been happening somewhat frequently. My main worries as of late are the following:

1) School/work
2) Finances
3) What people think of me (stupid, I know. Its not everyone, just important people)
4) My To-Do list (it is completely out of control)

So it starts with A), the worrying, then comes B), where I feel guilty when I don't accomplish these things, or when I start to worry that maybe someone doesnt like me...someone that I like very much, or someone that was just in a bad mood on that particular day and snapped at me or something. I feel guilty because, often times, I have no real basis for these thoughs...just too much time to think. Then C) often times leads to B), and D) leads to both A) and B).

(Can you tell yet that I need to get out of my head?)

So now the real work begins. I want to face life without constantly worrying about the unknown, because thats really what the problem is. Fear of the unknown. I will do my best to distract myself, talk myself out if irrational thoughts, and attempt to be more optimistic. Things arent always black or white, and its time to stop thinking that way.

(I am taking a deep breath as we speak)

Now I am going to stop this and move on to reading my book, which I highly reccomend (The Book Theif).

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