Well, I've spent all weekend acting like a teenage boy as per normal since I have been single. Here's the the rub though: 12 hours from now, I have to suit up in my business-casual with my pressed white lab coat and name tag, wearing makeup, hair neat and shiny, and pretend to be a professional person. Technically, I AM a professional, but I feel like a total fraud. I mean, come on.
So, panic attacks about finances, school info, crazy patients, lack of social life, and just plain not knowing anything all over again, are sure to ensue again. Actually they've already started. I hate feeling like I don't know anything. I am completely terrified to do this. And this time I feel like I'm going it alone.
Also, I'm not going to be living with my parents. I just can't do it, for a number of reasons that I can't even discuss right now. I man, I love them to death but I just can't live there. So, this means that money is going to be tight. Really tight. REALLY TIGHT. So, I gotta find a new place to live ASAP. A cheap place.
Also, I figure that maybe once I finally lose my mind, maybe I'll feel better. Like, I just wont care anymore. Maybe once I finally crack, it will be almost like a state of enlightenment. I'll just sit there with a goofy grin on my face and go through the motions and I won't feel a thing.