Reality Prevails...Until 20 Minutes From Now When I Will Be Pouring Myself a Martini

That's right invisible blog followers; I am officially back from vacation. It still makes me giggle to myself and feel a little like a fraud when I admit to having a blog, but I do that anyway...so no biggie I guess.

So, the trip was good. Relaxing for the most part. Except the "hike" I went on. Apparently the term hike encompasses full on rock climbs now...because that's kind of what this was. 8 miles. Since this is my blog (heh.) and I'm in charge (HA!) I will say that I mastered the climb in full makeup and shook my hair out when I reached the top all sexy slow-motion style, a bead of sweat glistening on my perfectly exposed cleavage as I left everyone else in the dust below me.

Clearly, this is not what happened.

Here's what it was really like: I kicked myself all the way to the top for not working out regularly, wheezing and panting like a motherfucking morbidly obese rhinocerous kicking up more dust than anybody. It was a borderline dangerous thing that I didn't bring water, even though the superhero men in my family finished the hike without complaint of any kind (my mom opted out, which is definately for the best, although it would have made me feel MUCH better about myself). I did finally reach the destination, which was some pools of water and waterfalls which are actually incredibly slippery and dangerous, but magnificently beautiful and fun to swim in. That's another thing...I didn't think I would be swimming in them, because unfortunately I didn't dress accordingly, but when I was wading in the water trying to cool off from the hell hike, I slipped on the dangerously slippery rocks and fell all the way in cartoon-syle (with much eggagerated waving of the arms and trying to regain my balance for like 5 seconds before actually going down). A couple other hikers had a pretty good laugh, and I didn't really get hurt, just a couple bruises.

By the time I got back to the lake, and I DID get back dammit, I was pretty much hallucinating from dehydration...not fun or recommended. After downing about a gallon of iced tea and water, the endorphins kicked in. It took me a few hours to recover, and I was loopy and sore, and I was covered in mosquito bites, and sunburnt...and I had a reaction to some sunscreen that left me with a mild rash...but despite all this, I have decided to do the "hike" again next year.

Now, you all must be thinking how stupid and masochistic that is, but hear me out. This year I will try to get in a little better shape (not making too many promises..), and I am going to invest in a camel back so that I may have the luxury of cold, delicious water while I am climbing. Now that I know what to expect, I can plan...so I probably won't get the shit beat out of me as much (maybe).

I am going to go ahead and pour that martini now...I have been recently reintroducing my good friends coffee and alcohol back into my life. This past week off of work has been fan-FUCKING-tastic. So fantastic in fact that I am currently toying with the notion of jetting off to Vegas tomorrow since I don't have anything else scheduled until next week. Sort of depends on if I can convince a certain AWESOME PERSON to join me. We'll see how that goes. I may not be the coolest person in the world, and I may not have had the best luck lately...but things are turning around! This is the beginning of a new and improved more awesome me...at least until late August.